But, it turned out to be another ificant factor in my recovery. I had a blank copy of a mood log on my computer at home and at work and used it when I sensed that things were a bit out chah control. I feel the need to briefly mention some of the more subtle things that impacted my recovery. I spent a ton of time browsing the web to learn as much about my illnesses as I could.
However, the support of friends some of whom were consumerscolleagues and co-workers was very valuable to me. When we were in high school, my sister said something that changed the way I approached dating forevermore… Four dating tips, and did you have sex on your wedding night? Eventually, I had vpd step out from behind the computer into the community to develop valuable relationships. At the time, that angered me a great deal.
The trend became obvious. By this time, I had been on every cocktail combination of medications that one could imagine, and I had participated in numerous medication studies, most for schizophrenia even though I had been diagnosed with bipolar and cha personality disorders.
Gradually I increased the types of things that I did as well as cgat amount of time each week that I spent doing them. Instead of cutting or burning myself, I would hold a piece of ice in my hand until it melted.
About two years ago, I purchased my first home. I firmly believe that the recovery journey begins with a sense of hope and that optimal progress in recovery is reliant upon both self-esteem and self-responsibility. All of the sudden, my recovery was totally up to me. Also, while not a huge factor in my recovery, support via Internet chat rooms literally kept me alive. Today, I am confident about who I am and how I feel about myself. It was at that point that I decided that I was going to go back to work or die trying.
The mental health board received the grant, and in the spring ofI applied for and was offered the position of recovery coordinator.
My salary more than doubled, rioms apparently, I was still doing a real good job at faking them out. It was time to implement it.
Only this time, it was different. No longer was it okay to just understand what would help me. Despite some failures along the way, my confidence grew with each success; and, after a chwt of small successes, I was willing to take bigger risks and stretch further beyond my comfort zone.
Apparently, my confidentiality had been violated and stigma within the mental health system was still very evident. Prior to bd recovery, I displayed s of narcissism. I attempted suicide and found myself waking up in intensive care. Early on, I made a conscious decision to not hide my mental illness.
Without medication, I had a clearer thought process, my rloms improved, I was able to access my analytical thinking process and my general health improved. I new right then and there, that to be effective in my job, I had to exemplify recovery in my personal life. I was in the hospital about 12 times and most hospitalizations were followed up with a few weeks of partial hospitalization.
bpf To put it bluntly, I had burned too many bridges and no one was willing to treat me. They also put up with a lot of crap! Unlike the vast majority of people that Pbd met at the clinic and in the hospital, I at least had a credit card. For several years, anger was the only emotion that I could recognize in myself. It was then that, in essence, I took control of my life and became my own treatment provider.
Especially since building relationships was a ificant struggle for me.
After being a full-time student for 10 years and employed for 15, both were gone. While it was extremely uncomfortable, I began looking at people when they talked to me and said hi to strangers when I encountered them.
I went from feeling suicidal to attempting suicide. I now understand that my feelings, all of them, are okay.
When I let go of the anger, I started to trust, and gradually, was able to heal. Likewise, I firmly believe that my decision to return to work, and especially my current position, has been vital to my recovery.
I still struggled a great deal with my mental illness and I think I had a short hospitalization, but nine months later December I applied for and was offered a full-time position as a program evaluator. Even anger!